“Are you preggers?”
First, please, for the love of all things good in this world (including chocolate peanut butter ice cream) do not ever say the word “preggers.” It makes one come off like they’ve intently watched every episode of MTV’s Teen Mom.
Secondly, unless a woman has told you she is pregnant, or is very clear about her carrying a child on board, like in the picture below, assume she isn’t pregnant.
Here is an example of me confidently telling the world “yes, I’m pregnant!”

When we were ready, comfortable, and confident, my hubby and I decided to announce to our friends, family, and the world that we were having a baby. The key words being when we were ready.

Close friends knew that we would want a family at some point. Even closer friends knew that I had feminine issues that would make having a child extremely difficult. Maybe even impossible.

Last year, a friend asked me “Are you preggers?” It was asked with no sense of warmth, love, or concern. Actually, it was as kind as someone asking me if I stepped in dog poop. I ignored the question, and went on with my day. But later that night, the question still haunted me.

I wasn’t pregnant, and I was actually looking into adoption. I cried every night that week, and wondered if anyone else ever felt this low when asked if they were pregnant. The other question that hurt, even though I knew people didn’t mean for it to, was “When are you going to have a kid?” or “Why aren’t you pregnant yet?”

The truth is, a woman being pregnant is no one’s business but hers and her partner’s.

  • She could have infertility issues
  • She may have miscarried
  • She may be pregnant, but doesn’t know, or isn’t comfortable sharing just yet
  • She may not be pregnant at all, and now you just made her feel fat, or brought up a sensitive subject.

If a woman wants to share news about her pregnancy, her journey to getting pregnant, or her struggles with her pregnancy, she will share it with you. So be considerate when talking to her, because you really don’t know if she is, or isn’t, carrying a tiny baby. If she brings up the topic of her own accord, then she is comfortable with you. But remember to still be kind. My friend who asked me knew of my feminine struggles, my dreams, and my hopes for a family of my own. Her being inconsiderate and cold was salt in a deep, deep wound.

If you are close with a friend, and she has told you that she has been hoping to get pregnant, wait for her to tell you. If she has been trying for quite some time, and hasn’t brought the topic up recently with you, then it’s for a reason. She either is (and its too early) or she isn’t, and it’s breaking her heart. You can let her know you care by asking a vague question like “How are you doing?” or “How have you been feeling?” If she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing personal information at this point, then take that as your cue to back down.

And if your friend does come to you and tells you she has a tiny baby on board, please…do not refer to her as being preggers. Instead, give her the greatest hug, and take her out for a much needed chocolate peanut butter ice cream sundae. That tiny baby needs extra calcium anyway!

Have you ever been asked sensitive questions in an insensitive manner?