Right now, at this very moment, I am lonely. 

My husband is out with some guy friends, and my two kids are asleep. One in the room next-door, and the other in my arms as a rock in my rocking chair.
The crickets outside my window are chirping away a beautiful symphony, accompanied by the white noise machine in my sons bedroom.
My cats are tumbling around downstairs, their bellies full of delicious meal of canned fancy feast.

I am happy. My heart is full. 

But right now I am lonely.

Just recently I reconnected with one of my best friends from college. 
I loved her like a sister, and it broke my heart when our lives went in different directions. It was a terrible breakup, and I cried more over losing her than I had over any break up with a boyfriend.
Since then, I’ve never been able to have a friendship like that. 
You see, a college best friend is a very special best friend. And one that can rarely be replaced.

This best friend sees you at your best, and at your worst. 

They there with you for your huge accomplishments, and some of your lowest lows, which often take place vomiting with your head plunged into a college toilet bowl.
Best of all, college best friends are with you as you truly begin to find out who you are. Who you were meant to be.
But what I really miss about the friendship of my college best friend, was having a best friend that was that close to me. 

I could see her anytime – any day. I could have breakfast, lunch and dinner with her if I wanted – Plus a midnight snack in our pajamas.

I didn’t have to dress up for her, heck, I didn’t even have to put on a bra. 
She was next to me as a brushed my teeth at night. I’d help her get ready for a big night out, or we would keep each other company while we were studying. We would even bring each other soup if the other was sick.
Being college best friends is like  the John Mayer song, “Comfortable.” 
…Except not being romantically involved with that person. Just totally good friends. Friends who love each other and are comfortable with one another. 
And right down the hall.
I miss having a best friend as a neighbor. I had that for a while while I had a roommate in an apartment. Now I live with my husband and my two kids. 
My heart is full, but I am sometimes lonely.

I miss my girl nights. 
I miss sitting in my pajamas watching movies – whether they were good or bad. 
I miss painting nails together. 
I miss hanging out for no reason.

I miss being so close – location wise – to someone, that I wouldn’t even need to call them on the phone. 

It was so easy, that could just walk over to their door and knock.


So it kind of hit me tonight, that I may never have a friend like that again. 
I live on a dead-end street filled with older couples who are rarely home. None of them are particularly friendly, and those that are, I barely see.

None of them are even close to me in age, which isn’t particularly necessary for being good girlfriends, but I highly doubt that any of them would ever just want to get together with me at the drop of a dime.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have several great friends. 

Most of them are far away. For some I take a plane, or Skype. Others I plan ahead and pack my car and drive to their house. A couple friendships are even located on my own side of town. 
But no one is close by, like really close.
No one is so close that I could text them right now, and say “hey – what are you up to? I’m lonely, do you want to come right over and make cookies and watch tv?” 
Because it’s all I really want to do right now.
I want someone so close by that they can come over in their pajamas, drink a beer with me, and and chat as I rock my sleeping baby.


Maybe one day one of my elderly neighbors will pass away, and a future best friend will move in. 
Is that kind of morbid? Yes. 
But I freely admit that I wish for it almost every day. Especially in moments like this.

I sometimes dream that one of my great friends, the ones that I know will be with me for the rest of my life,

will move in right next-door to me. 
I dream about making pancakes on Sunday mornings and having them over for brunch.

I dream about raising our children together and helping watch each other’s kids grow over time. 

I dream of being able to walk over to her house after a rough day with a bottle of wine in my hand, and know that the moment that I enter her door that everything will be OK. 
I dream that this kind of friendship could be physically close by once again.

So as I said, I’ve been able to reconnect with my college best friend. She’s across the country right now, and is happy. I missed her a lot. I think she missed me too.

It’s been lovely to catch up, but it’s also made me sad because I realize that I may never have friendship like that again.


So I’m putting in into the universe, maybe, just maybe, one day one of my elderly neighbors will die.  (gasp)
Then, a for sale sign will go up in that yard, and a new possible best friend could move in.

I think for a welcome gift I’d bring over a bottle of wine.