Being pregnant can really suck. But, it can be really beautiful too. I’ve never felt more beautiful in my life than when I took my maternity photos. On the same level, having kids can really suck too. But then there are the days that I feel so full of life and love because of them that I cannot contain myself. In fact, I often find myself crying a lot because of how fulfilled I’ve become in my life. (Which, by the way, if I told my twenty year old self that I feel this way now, the twenty year old me would probably kick my butt.) But, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, gets me more emotional than one thing in my house. That one thing is this picture…
This photo was taken by Tall Dad when I was in the hospital right after I had given birth to our little lass Felicity. It was actually the first time Rhys met Felicity.
What you see here perfectly captures the beauty, the wonder, the hardship, the fear, and the unknown of not only being pregnant, but having a baby, living with a child, and creating a family.
This is the first time that our tiny family was a unit.
I had a horrible pregnancy with Felicity. I was sick the whole time, sick to the point of being hospitalized every week for the last two months, stopped blogging because I couldn’t get out of bed, and it put a lot of stress on my marriage.
What’s worse is that the situation after Rhys was born was even worse! He had the worst colic our doctor had seen in a long time, he screamed for months, and it even drove me to postpartum depression.
I’ve been through the ringer these past few years. Pregnancy and infancy have not been easy on this lady.
But, that moment.
This is my moment.
My moments that I lived for.
My moments that I will never forget.
My moments I realized why I was put on this earth.
So I look at that first photo every day. I look at it every to remind me that all things end. But, it also reminds me that all things begin again too.
No matter what happens in my life, no matter how hard, how happy, or how awful it may be, I’ve got my family. That we’re going to be ok.
I see this moment where my son is about to touch my newly born daughter and realize that life is powerful. In all it’s forms. It’s beautiful chaos.
Call me cheezy – but I can’t help but think of Dr. Ian Malcom’s words about Chaos Theory in Jurassic Park, “If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it’s that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, uh… life finds a way.”
Life found a way with me. And I couldn’t be happier.