My four month old tiny baby has a pincer-like grasp that would put cranky Maine lobsters to shame.
Remember those toys we played with as kids – the Chinese finger traps? They’ve got nothing on my kid.
But it was only after that my hair fell victim to his tiny vice-like hands that I learned to be weary of his mega grasp. Chunks of my once luscious locks ended up in his palm, and it wasn’t just because of my post-partum hair loss.
Put it this way, have you ever watched a “girl fight” video on YouTube? They’re pretty hilarious. And, while I don’t condone the violent subject matter, I do recommend watching at least one video because it’ll give you a chance to see how they viciously yank on each other’s hair. This, and only this, will paint the accurate picture needed to illustrate the pain that my Itty Bitty rains upon my scalp – merely by just pulling on my braid.
But fear not guys, my tiny baby is also into equal opportunity. Even if you’re a somewhat hairy man, I would advise against holding my Itty Bitty unless you are wearing a long sleeved shirt. Otherwise, you and your bare, bloody, hairless arms will be leaving my apartment shuddering in pain.
Remember that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin, where Steve Carell gets his chest waxed? Ohhhhhhhhh, Kelly Clarkson!
It will be just like that, except your hair will be extracted – not by warm, soothing wax – but by tiny handfuls at a time. And, best yet (or worst…I’m not sure which) the damage is done by a baby, and not by a pretty Asian esthetician. I can just see it right now – “THIS IS NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR ME!”
So here’s my helpful tip to those of you who either have a tiny baby, or are planning on visiting one in the future.
Wear long sleeved shirts
Watch out if you have a beard
If you have long hair, tie it back
No dainty necklaces. These kids will rip them off of you faster than a pickpocket in Naples.
Tie your hair back in either a ponytail or braid
or just get a fun and fiesty short haircut.