*Disclaimer – I am not a certified P90X trainer, and I am not a Beachbody Coach. I am not being compensated for this blog series.  I just really like the idea of embarrassing myself publicly.  Mary Larsen is not liable for any of the opinions expressed herein.  Don’t blame her for what this knuckle-head says.

Anyone who tells you that you cannot get a good workout in only thirty minutes is a fucking jackass.

Ok, now that’s out of the way,  tell me Tall Dad, how was your first 4 weeks of P90X3?  Well, first thing’s first:

The Set-Up:

P90X3, like it’s X siblings, can be utilized in a number of different designed rotations.  Rotation is a fancy term for the order and application of the provided workouts to maximize the desired result.  These are preset rotations:

1. Lean Looking to get wicked tone?  Here’s your choice. Functional fitness at it’s best. It focuses on mobility, and cardiovascular fitness.

2. Classic – For those who want to tone and lose weight, but also desire to build legitimate muscle mass.  The preferred rotation.

3. Doubles – A badass rotation where you do TWO workouts per day.  One in the morning, and one at night.  Not recommended for newcomers.  Shit, even I don’t do it.

4. Mass –  Heavy resistance and weight training. This is for those who want to bulk up and gain weight.  So, get ready to eat like Oprah in an all-you-can-eat buffet.  Otherwise known as a shit ton.  

I chose “Classic” because I’m about as original and inventive as the latest album from Nickelback. But, on a more serious note, I chose it because “Classic” is the rotation around which Tony had designed the program.  In other words, “Classic” promotes the best results as Tony originally intended them.  I figure he’s way smarter than me, and in considerably better shape than me too so I ought to listen.

Each rotation, regardless of which you choose, has a foundation of three blocks – each block lasting 30 days, or one month (thus the 90 day program).  For our purposes now, only the first block is really important. 

The first block is comprised of seven different workouts that must be completed each day for the first three weeks.  What about the fourth week, right?  Well, you still work out, but it’s not the same as the first three weeks – it’s what Tony considers a “rest,” or “transition” week.  

The Workouts for Block One:

Day 1: Total Synergistics – a workout based on complete integration.  Every muscle being worked out in concert with each other at the same time.  Thus, “Synergisitics.” Cardio, resistance and occasional weights.

Day 2: Agility X – Athletic training through and through.  Start in one spot and hop to another as fast as possible.  All about cardio, flexibility and mobility.  The leg killer.

Block 1 schedule.  Note the difference between weeks 1-3 and week 4.

Day 3: Yoga X – Over 5,000 years of knowledge in balance, posture, patience and breathing. Speaks for itself.

Day 4: The Challenge – Pick a number of reps for pull-ups and pick a number of reps for pushups.  8 sets each.  Hit that number every time.  Yes, every time.  So choose wisely.

Day 5: CVX – Cardio Vascular Xtreme.  Great cardio training, but holding a dumbbell at the same time.

Day 6: The Warrior – No weights or pull ups.  Just you, and gravity.  Pushups, balance work and more muscle integration all in one tiny space.

Day 7: Dynamix or Rest – An involved and concentrated stretching program with dynamic movement in your arms, hips and legs.

Week 4 Workouts:

Isometrix – Basically take all the hardest poses from Yoga and hold them for 45 seconds each.  In other words, this is an effort to isolate a specific muscle and punish it.  Dude.  Ouch.

Accelerator – This does exactly what it says – accelerates your body and gets your heart pumping. FAST.  A cornucopia of cardio and resistance.

Pilates – Speaks for itself.

Alright Tall Dad, cut the shit – what actually happened!?!

What Went Right:

-Much to my surprise, the half hour concept is totally real and it is awesome so far. The workouts, including the warm ups, are truly only a half hour.  I LOVE knowing that I only have to bust my balls for that small amount of time because, psychologically, I push myself harder to get the best pump within a half hour. Besides, I kinda feel like a pussy if I don’t push hard because it’s only a short time.  Am I pussy?  Fuck no.  Well, sometimes.  But, not when it comes to my Tony time.

-Because of how short the workouts are, it has, so far, been much easier to stay on track and keep up with my weekly schedule.  Even with a kid, working full time, and trying to maintain somewhat of a social life, there really is no excuse to not get a workout in during my day anymore.

-CVX, thankfully, is not the same bullshit cardio workout that everyone else puts in these kind of programs.  Trust me, I CANNOT stand cardio.  “Alright everyone run in place and do 20 jumping jacks!”  Ugh, blow me.  I would rather shove bamboo schutes up my fingernails than do a cardio workout.  So, when it comes to CVX, take cardio, add core training, and then hold a 10lb dumbbell as you’re doing all of it.  The added resistance training spices up what would otherwise be a painfully boring set.

-Speaking of boredom, the warm-ups are short, to the point, and non-coma inducing.  Thank the Christ.  The warm-up process, mercifully enough,  is only about two and a half minutes long this time around, and then, BAM, you’re right into the workout.  No screwing around.

The Challenge is possibly the hardest workout I’ve ever done. I’ve never had such muscle burn in my life.  It totally kicked my ass.  I couldn’t even lift our tiny baby afterwards (and maybe for the next two days, but who’s counting?)  I’m currently at 5 pullups and 12 pushups.  Yes, ok, after reviewing those numbers, maybe I am a pussy. But, I promise I’m going to get more.

-Working out with Rhys.  Dude, what a trip.  It was easier than I thought because I put him in his Jumperoo and let him bounce up and down with me as I did my Jump Knee Tucks.  We both got a good work out in 🙂  His favorite so far is Agility X.

– I always thought it was kinda dumb, and only  for chicks, but the addition of Pilates to the X family in the rest week is “Holy Shit” awesome.  Never done it before.  But, hard?  You bet your ass.

What Went Wrong:

-The immeasurably annoying Dreya Weber has returned, and is in multiple workouts so far.  You know that teachers pet that can do ANYTHING the teacher asks, and does it well, but, kinda shows off, and acts like they’re best friends with the teacher? That’s Dreya.  Why, oh, why do they insist on bringing her back?  God, I hate her so much.

-X3 Yoga is far inferior to it’s predecessors. Tony says, “you can do a lot of Yoga in thirty minutes.”  Yes, while that may be true, in addition to the fact that it does provide a half way decent workout, X3 yoga is just too damn fast.  You don’t have enough time to own each pose, and enjoy the flow.  Instead, you’re too focused on keeping pace with the crew. Before you know it, you’re saying, “wow, thats a good warm up,”  but the routines already completed.  Ugh.  Not a fan, Tony.

-I had to prolong the sequence of workouts due to some schedule conflicts and soreness.  So, by my calculations, I’m about two days behind the designed schedule.  Damn it.

-Workouts were a little extended due to having to preview the move first, and then perform it.  I’m so used to knowing what to do beforehand with X1 and X2! But with each week comes more familiarity.  

-Just now, when I am finally learning the routines – time to get into a whole new routine.  Oh, how I have a Love/Hate relationship with Muscle Confusion.

-Doing Yoga with a nine month old.  Not smart.  In fact, really dumb.

-Even though he did my workouts with me, tiny baby still didn’t tucker himself out enough to sleep through the night.  What else must I do?  Ah, the great mystery…

-Holy shit am I out of shape.

Snap Judgments and Miscellany: 

– I was a total skeptic about this program.  At no point did it occur to me that I could get as good of a pump from a half hour workout as I did in the hour long workouts of X1 and X2.  I was so god damn wrong.  From the moment I started, my heart raced and my muscles were pushed to the same limit, if not more, than in previous workouts.  

-By the end of week 4, my body is really sore – especially my glutes, chest, hip flexors, and shoulders. 

-I am hungry.  Yup – right now.  I was hungry yesterday all day, and I’m pretty confident I’ll be ravenous in a couple hours and into tomorrow.  In fact, I’m hungry all the fucking time.  Food never leaves my thought process.  Ever.

-I’m going to keep giving X3 yoga a shot, but if I don’t feel the enjoyment I felt in previous versions real soon, I’m will switch out X3 Yoga for X2 Yoga.

-Tony has a shout out to his RI roots when he wears a “Watch Hill Lifeguard” shirt in CVX. Drinkin’ Beers down by the shore!  Rhody Pride!

-One of the “kids” is wearing a Boston Strong T-shirt during the The Warrior workout.  How awesome!?!

-No Ab Ripper X in this Block.  Fear not though, between Yoga, Pilates, Agility X and The Warrior, the abs are not left behind.  Trust me, I’m not complaining either way.  Nothing sucks more than to get through a hard work out, finish it, be dog tired, and then have to do 20 minutes of Ab Ripper immediately after.

-The rumors of me almost puking during Agility X may or may not be true.

Favorite Tony-ism:  After crushing his workout partner in The Challenge, “I believe I am 55.  I believe he is 30.  Aging is for people who do not know better.”

Hardest move(s): 

Crescent Chairs – Going from Crescent pose to chair pose in one fluid movement while holding a 10lb. dumbell above your head, and keeping your arms straight.  OUCH.  Supposed to do about 10 of these.  Only muscled out 5.

3.4 Run – Stay in a 3 point stance and jump to 4 designated spots on your floor when Tony calls out, “Up, Back, Left, Right!”  Everything from your core, to your feet, to your fuckin’ eyebrows are on fire , and you are moving QUICK.  Total athletic training.  It beat me all three weeks because I couldn’t keep up with how fast he is calling out.  But, I will conquer it.

Tall Dad’s Tip of the Block:  Time, practice, and patience.  If you want to get better – take your time and modify.  

Up Next: Block 2.

Do Your Best And Forget The Rest
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